John Sheda

Every Church and denomination has them. Every Sunday, you will receive your weekly Church Bulletin. Different styles, different techniques, a story here, a story there, perhaps a joke every now and then and all the pertinent information that every Congregant needs to know. And they’re all wrapped up in a nice small four-page package for your perusal. Church bulletins are a great way to pass a few minutes away before church begins and sometimes even as the service is going on. The Church bulletin is sorta like talking about the weather as a way to begin a conversation. It’s handed to you as you enter Church and you now have something to do as you make your way to the seat you’ve sat in for the past 25 years.

To the person that sets up the bulletin, writes it, proofreads it and re-writes it, it is quite an important task. At our place, Deb writes down all the tid-bits of information and I put it in bulletin style. She then proofreads it, corrects my many mistakes and I then re-write it. Sometimes this goes on several times. And alas, sometimes we still make mistakes that end up in the final print for everyone to see and read on Sunday morning.

With that in mind, here are some actual Church Bulletin errors, (not ours of course).

Sister Mildred has been leading the “Weight-Management” class on Wednesday evenings. She uses the program herself and has been growing tremendously.

Diana and Don Blanchard request your presents at their upcoming wedding.

If you need to heave early, please do so quietly.

The “low-self esteem” group will meet this Thursday evening at 7pm. Please use the back door.

Rev. Larry Worley spoke briefly last Wednesday evening, much to the delight of the audience.

Due to the Pastor’s illness, this week’s special healing service will be cancelled.

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale this coming Saturday. It’s a great chance to get rid of things you don’t want anymore. Bring your husbands.

This morning’s sermon, “Jesus Walks On Water.” Tonight’s sermon, “Searching For Jesus.”

Try-outs for Choir will be held this Tuesday evening. They could use all the help they can get.

The Weight-Watchers class will be this Friday night. Please be sure to use large double doors at the side entrance.

Bible Study Wednesday evening’s topic is “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to the Choir practice.

The High School’s play this Friday night is Shakespeare’s “Hamlet,” Our Church has been invited to attend this tragedy.

The Ladies Bible Study will meet this Thursday at 10 am. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall once the B. S. Is done.

Pastor Winston will preach is final sermon next Sunday at 10:30 am, after which the Choir will sing “Break Forth Into Joy.”

And my all-time favorite…….”This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar”. Now here is a Church Bulletin announcement that is no fluke or mistake; Next Sunday the Kansas City Chiefs will manhandle Tom Brady and the Patriots and New Orleans will squeak an overtime win against the Las Angeles Rams. Then on Sunday, February 3, Super-Bowl LIII will see the Chiefs and Saints go “head-to-head.” And of course, without a doubt, Kansas City Chiefs will triumph 38-29.

Haruumph, you heard it here first. Let me know what you think at livingwater@indytel.com or call this great Prognosticator at 319.327.4640.