Jonathan Meyer.

Here’s a topic I’ve been thinking about tackling for quite some time, good old anxiety! Anxiety has become somewhat jaded and even a taboo topic. I think by putting some of my thoughts and opinions out into the ether that is the News Chronicle might help someone reading. Keep in mind, I’m not an expert and by no means qualified to talk on the subject, but I’m doing it anyways. Carefully hidden behind my laptop and now whatever screen or paper you’re reading off of, let’s jump right in!

I am an anxious person. There we go, I said it, in print no less. I like things going my way. I overpack, I think about all the possibilities in a conversation, I’ll even avoid confrontation. If you watch me enough, you’ll pick up on it. I’ve been this way a really long time, way before I realized what the heck it was. Not a lot of kids and teenagers can figure out what that burning feeling in their chest is, I certainly didn’t.

When I’m anxious I shut down, I become reactive, snarky, verbally aggressive, and overwhelmed. For a lot of my life when the feeling of anxiety would hit, it was game over and anyone in my path (usually my family or close friends) would incur the wrath of my emotions. Not right or healthy in any way, but I didn’t know better. This is such a common thing for people all around the world and we simply haven’t talked about it enough.

How many friendships and relationships, hell even marriages, would still be going strong if we all took a step back and knew what was happening and how to cope?

Easier said than done, right? Until a few years ago, I was a person who would roll my eyes at mental health and the absolute buzzword it had turned into.

Outwardly I was put together and confident, while inside I could never quite put my finger on why I did certain things and reacted in situations the way I did. Maybe it was a character flaw or something about me was exponentially different, I would always wonder. Those thoughts failed to take into account the fact that we can all take time to cope, to slow down and acknowledge it’s okay to be overwhelmed. It’s okay to be worried about little things, it’s alright to make mistakes, it’s okay to shut down. I lacked acceptance for a very long time in my life.

Even when getting to college for my first year, I didn’t acknowledge people can feel stressed and get overwhelmed with college. School is really hard sometimes, and it’s okay to be anxious.

Not until coming home for Thanksgiving break did I ever discover a healthy way to cope. I’ll always remember this day, a busy morning with plenty of loud noises, running through the house, multiple people scrambling to make sure that the Thanksgiving feast is prepared and perfect. After running a turkey-trot in the morning, I was tired and perhaps a bit short on sleep. With the combination of noise and petty disagreements, I felt it come. The elephant stepping on my chest, the pit in my stomach, an immense outward pressure from inside. All those lovely feelings billowing out and making you want to explode.

This day would have been just like all the rest before them, except I didn’t fight it. For the first time I understood that these feelings are okay and normal. I’m not crazy and it’s acceptable to step back. What caused this sudden revelation, I don’t know but damn I’m thankful.

I went outside, took a few deep breaths and started doing lawn work. Now, that might not sound too exciting or monumental, but I was proud of myself. Instead of getting snippy and calling someone an expletive I can’t write in the paper, I removed myself and took a breath. Not the solution to all problems, but it fit the situation.

Since that day, I’ve been cognisant of that tricky feeling, I realize it’s anxiety. As of late, I read more, I write down how I feel, I stay more organized, I spend less time on my phone. By no means am I perfect or really know what I’m doing. I don’t avoid feeling anxious, I just cope with it better.

Life is stressful, busy, hectic, chaotic, and whatever other adjective you want to throw in there. Rolling with the punches and striving to be the best I can be has kept me growing and learning, through all the internal struggles. Accepting and acknowledging has become my superpower. I will not be defined by the way I feel, and you shouldn’t either.

Until next time, I’m Just Jonathan.