2023 is still on its deathbed, and everybody is changing the sheets already. New calendars are being hung up, fresh day planners are being bought, and some guy who thought Y2K was gonna be the end of the world stepped out of his bunker, looked around, said, "eh," and went back in. It's been ...
For my family, Christmas, like everything else, never goes perfectly. It's never that Disney cartoon version. It's more like Scooby Doo. Velma and Daphne are in the kitchen. Fred is watching TV. Shaggy is eating everything in sight. The dog is on the couch. Then someone drops dead. It used ...
‘Tis the season for Christmas joy. Tis the season to give and receive crappy gifts. Now, I'll admit it, I don't usually give the best gifts. The things I think about and am sure will be the big hitter fall flat, while those I just grabbed off the shelf; they end up loving. I do have an ...
I like words. Scratch that. I LOVE words. Twenty-six letters make up approximately half a million words in the English language alone. And those half a million words make up absolutely everything. What I love more than words alone is the grouping of words into spectacular combinations. Now, ...
As a fat man, I, of course, love to eat, but there is one place I like to eat in particular. The car. Yeah, I know what you're saying. The car? But it's true and it has been forever. Now, I am not talking about eating and driving, mind you. I am talking about riding in a car, watching the ...
I wanted to talk about Thanksgiving this week. Maybe tell some funny story about me and a turkey or something. But I can't. There's something else that needs to be talked about today. I'll begin with the fact that there are four people in my family. And we are all nestled under one roof. To ...
At any moment, at any time, I have it in me to walk inside my house and never walk out again. Quarantine was hard for some folks, but for me, it was a nice fall breeze. Why? Because I've done it before, and chances are, I'll do it again. Ya see, as ya know, I am not a normal person. And with ...
Have you ever stood naked in your bedroom and wondered, "What if a man walks in looking for directions?" Well, you should. Do you all remember that old blues song 'Born Under a Bad Sign'? Well, Google it then; because that dude was singing about me. All my life. I've had bad luck. Or at least ...
Halloween is no longer my favorite holiday because I am Halloween. Let me explain. There are three main pillars that Halloween is known for. 1. Costumes. 2. Candy. 3. Horror. Now, let's take this bit by bit, number one. I have the same circumference of a Buick Skylark, so going to the store ...
If I am awake before nine in the morning, chances are I haven't been to bed yet. I am an up all night, watching movies at three a.m. type of dude. I know very few morning people. I don't want to know morning people. The simple act of getting up early in the morning just to get a good start ...