As a fat man, I, of course, love to eat, but there is one place I like to eat in particular. The car. Yeah, I know what you're saying. The car? But it's true and it has been forever. Now, I am not talking about eating and driving, mind you. I am talking about riding in a car, watching the ...
I wanted to talk about Thanksgiving this week. Maybe tell some funny story about me and a turkey or something. But I can't. There's something else that needs to be talked about today. I'll begin with the fact that there are four people in my family. And we are all nestled under one roof. To ...
At any moment, at any time, I have it in me to walk inside my house and never walk out again. Quarantine was hard for some folks, but for me, it was a nice fall breeze. Why? Because I've done it before, and chances are, I'll do it again. Ya see, as ya know, I am not a normal person. And with ...
Have you ever stood naked in your bedroom and wondered, "What if a man walks in looking for directions?" Well, you should. Do you all remember that old blues song 'Born Under a Bad Sign'? Well, Google it then; because that dude was singing about me. All my life. I've had bad luck. Or at least ...
Halloween is no longer my favorite holiday because I am Halloween. Let me explain. There are three main pillars that Halloween is known for. 1. Costumes. 2. Candy. 3. Horror. Now, let's take this bit by bit, number one. I have the same circumference of a Buick Skylark, so going to the store ...
If I am awake before nine in the morning, chances are I haven't been to bed yet. I am an up all night, watching movies at three a.m. type of dude. I know very few morning people. I don't want to know morning people. The simple act of getting up early in the morning just to get a good start ...
I am not picky when it comes to movies. I will watch just about anything. I have seen thousands and thousands of movies, and the worst one I've ever seen, I'd probably watch again. My family doesn't share my views on this. Particularly my sister, forget judging a movie by its poster because ...
Okay, first of all, the Toledo Mayor does read my column. Who would have guessed? Well, I guess if you're reading this Mr. Mayor, I hope ya have a good day, or whatever; who cares? Anyway, I promised ya a funeral story for this week, and I will tell ya one, but first of all ya gotta realize ...
Alright, my humor isn't for everyone. And frankly, most of the things that amuse me I try to keep to myself. Ya see, just a few of the words that can describe my sense of humor are: weird, dark, and just plain stupid. I have gotten in trouble for my sense of humor more times than I can ...
Schedules, I've never stuck to one. Never have, more than likely, never will. I don't have any pet peeves against schedules; it's just I've never been able to keep one. And yes, this is in direct correlation to my near constant lateness; more than once, I've run out of the house late to a ...